I hated you….you sniveling and soft creature…..giving and loving wrecklessly….you stupid girl
What did that get you? Self loathing for never feeling enough….rejection and alone….and you fucking deserved it because you didn’t place a value on you and on the love you shared
Don’t lie to yourself….you craved being accepted and you knew you had to change…..and you did…
Change your weight….change your hair, your make up, how you dress, how you stand, how you view people….change your smile…the way you talk….oh and change your name…..Shannon has to go….change your neighborhood, your religion, change change .. never enough….
Caroline came from the ashes of burning everything that Shannon was…..hide that stupid girl….the one that just loved and loved and gave and gave….kill her….and Caroline become hard- jaded- cynical and I don’t let anyone get too close
Caroline The Chameleon of Illusions she learned to become everythjng…she desired….a little arrogant but a lotta fair…..someone special and someone determined to succeed – to heal from the vile creature Shannon’s life…..and Caroline thrived…..behind a stone wall heavily guarded ….
Then Caroline realized she should’ve died one day and she craved feeling the love and the light and the joy and happiness and sunshine of Shannon….and Caroline opened her souls closet door to where that little girl was she’d hidden a long long time ago and despised
She looked at her….and said come to me….it’s time for me to love you ….you broken little girl and it’s time to feel the world through you again…..
I cleaned her face….and I smiled as I saw those mischievous green eyes glowing ….and I feel you little one….my beautiful ME I lost so very long ago…it’s okay….to have a seat at my souls table because YOU ARE ME under the iron shield of The Chameleon of illusions and I’ll protect us as we learn to enjoy & just love each other again after 45 years…..
I won’t lose me again…..and it’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to love every chapter you’ve grown in…..and out of….it’s just okay to be lost….it’s okay to hurt….but it’s okay to love you and feel you and be proud of you and know you’re special….it’s okay to stop being The Chameleon of illusions and just embrace being YOU….those that are meant to be yours and you theirs.. will love you as you are….broken and beautifully faceted in shards refracting your inner souls light of just YOU and whom you are
